literature

Bleed

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Jade-Pandora's avatar
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Literature Text

It was during that night, after dinner,
And tight on bottles of wine, your words
Hung sublime like crystalline birds.

And I, dazed from the sound as they passed,
Could only look at you through my glass
Held up to my gaze, and filled with wine,

And saw, with the passing of time how the
Candle's light imbued everything in a
red hue as I stared at you, intoxicated,

Till through my fingers, slipped, its descent
Lingered, the beat of my heart, hindered,
Shattered its perfection across the floor,

Just as my heart tore and came apart in a
Flood of wine: red as blood, painful to see,

As if my eyes had burst, but which would I
Notice first: the innocuous stench of sick,

Or the shards of glass' trick of the light.
Still, I bleed in your presence, my tears

Are bleeding; don't staunch the flow,
You've tipped the waiter, now
I beg you, please, just go.
:bulletred: 01/27/16:  Dunno why, just thought I'd update this piece, perhaps cause many of my newer  watchers  have never seen it.

my first poem - age 14.

:bulletred: 12/12/11: Featured here serenepoet.deviantart.com/art/…
© 2005 - 2024 Jade-Pandora
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poetries's avatar
I love all the long 'i' sounds in the first stanza: "night," "tight," "wine," "sublime." 

This is a really impressive poem, for a first attempt and in general. The rhyme scheme feels smooth and effortless, and the internal rhymes are a nice touch (like, "the innocuous stench of sick/or the shards of glass' trick of the light"). You were gifted from a very young age. :heart: