Excellent work Jade!! Both of these pieces illustrate emotion that is almost touchable. in the first piece, the exclamation point is placed perfectly for introducing the sense of deep safety that comes from knowing any danger has passed. Also, the use of the "morning light" (a symbol of peace and salvation) carries the sentiment to a deeper level.

The second piece is deeply visual. it inspires (for me) images of some wandering soul pondering a sense of reprieve from the surreal (and often portrayed as cold) nature of death. Both of these follow the principles of Tanka very well. Nicely done!

I'm very unfamiliar with this form, but I really like the musing nature of these two. A couple really striking lines for me..."danger has no voice", makes me think of poor souls frozen to death, or those who lose appendages to frost bite (as it all ties to the cold, which is obviously your main subject here xD)

Then there's "death-its* breath painted in white lace" How stunning is that visual? I absolutely love it! For me, white lace conjures up images of daintiness and propriety. When compared to the breath of death, it makes me think that death has a dainty cruelty, and I think that's an apt description for how the cold kills at times.

All in all, lovely piece, as usual, and I'm sorry the cold is so rough on you *snuggles up close and wraps half of my big comfy blanket around your shoulders, along with my arms in a warm embrace*

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The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. --Rorschach, Watchmen

These tanka have such a cold harsh feel to them, but that's good, being able to evoke such an effect with just words. Good job, you're coming along quite well with your tanka studies! Plus you have a great teacher in *Laurence55

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~litNEWS, help us keep you informed.

may Beelzebub's scrotum rest firmly on your chin

i'm literally only a few weeks into my journey into tanka, so i'm terribly honored by your support & encouragement!

...and i'm so very aware of Laurence's impact, indeed. do you think he knows?

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玉

Well if he doesn't, he should

--
~litNEWS, help us keep you informed.

may Beelzebub's scrotum rest firmly on your chin

When i saw your comments days ago, i was thrilled with how well you interpreted these pieces!

You've got it all down perfectly - it leaves me almost speechless, because there's nothing more i need to add. Even if i wanted to, i just don't know what else to say except...

thank you!

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玉

i'm still in a daze over your words, especially about how you've received these tanka works of mine - so soon after writing this particular style. You've given guidance that stays like a hand hovering over me, rather than heavy-handed... to keep me steady all along while i fly under my own power, and voice.

Thank you, Laurence!

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玉

Well, you know what? You're welcome! ^_^

--
The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. --Rorschach, Watchmen

Thank you Jade