[x]

deviantART

 


The boy jogged through a field
ahead of his father who peered through
the low-lying fog from a nearby river

his shoulders hunched against the chill
of an early morning journey
to hunt doves-

the field echoed with the call of birds
that stepped amongst the scrub
and were startled into flight

by the blast of a shotgun
shattering the silence,
and finding its prey-

struggling in its death spiral,
plummeted like a stone
towards the hard ground-

yet when the boy picked it up
the bird weighed little more than
the air it had fallen from-

he had eagerly waited till his father
shot it from the sky
and now it lay warm in his hands-

he couldn't look away
feeling the heartbeat
flutter faintly-

fascination of the dove's death
gave the boy a sense of power
to spare a life, or to take it-

he twisted its neck with a soft pop,
the heart spasmed as
air was forced from its lungs,

then it rested, limp and lifeless
while he knelt upon the grass
quivering from his very first taste.
©2007-2009 `jade-pandora
Details
Submitted: October 21, 2007
File Size: 1.3 KB
Image Size: 0 bytes
Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 12
Favourites & Collections: 4 [who?]

Views
Total: 214
Today: 0

Downloads
Total: 2
Today: 0

Thumb

Author's Comments

Awakening to something you didn't know was in you, acting on it, then comes the reaction to what is wrought, or what has begun.

:bulletorange: 10/22/08: Made a major edit in the 4th stanza.

:bulletyellow: 04/17/09: Small edits.

:bulletred: 05/18/09: [link]
[x]

Devious Comments

love 2 2 joy 0 0 wow 2 2 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0

Comments


Special words spoken of a special moment. Shared at the most intimate level to create a wonderful picture of a moment in life where we realize we have power. The memory is relived again and again, spurred by this poem.

:cuddle:

--
:slow:
i'm grateful that the liberty i've taken with these memories to make it a story to share have been received with a kindness, understanding, and generosity i've come to know well. thank you so much.

:hug:

--
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
Wow, you've managed to craft a poem of both profound darkness and undeniable beauty. An impressive feat to say the least - and one you've accomplished before, and you will do so again I am sure... Excellent poem; very well done indeed. :)

--
!Bad Bunnies! :ninjastar::jackdirt: !Bad Bunnies!
Thank you Hezzyyy! :hug:

The contrasts you mention from the poem are what i hoped to achieve for the reader. It's wonderful to see you and read your (always) appreciative & supportive comments!

--
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
I agree with ~hezekiah about the contrasts--well done, indeed!

This poem managed to surprise me (which is a great thing! :)) It seemed to be building to an innocence-lost-in-torment conclusion, where the boy ended by decrying the death of the dove and resolving to lead a saintly life ever after. What we got instead was much more realistic, and far more profound! After the initial shock from the twist (no pun intended :D) that you gave us, we are made to think about your message (another great thing!) and realize that there are other perspectives on the taking of this dove's life--ones with equal or greater validity, and far deeper implications!

(I apologize for the long-winded comment--but this piece really affected me ^^;)

--
ヒスイ:私の天使 ♥
Always look on the bright side... there's more light there and it's easier to find stuff.
no no please don't apologize...

i'm terribly grateful for your indepth & most insightful comments about this piece!

it's left me quite speechless... thank you! :faint:

--
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
Two things I find interesting: Your use of the dove -- Peace -- and the way the boy quivered from his very first taste -- with fright or excitement?

I think the main point behind the piece is letting us wonder if it was fright or excitement. Whether or not this was on purpose, I find it brilliant!


You're imagery is fantastic as well!

--
[link] Counting Clouds - an exciting book!

[link] My tutorials!


If you LOVE it then suggest it to a GM - now!
Gosh thank you!

I'm speechless :blushes:

--
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
You're welcome!

Why are you speechless?

--
[link] Counting Clouds - an exciting book!

[link] My tutorials!


If you LOVE it then suggest it to a GM - now!

Site Map