The boy jogged through a field
ahead of his father who peered through
the low-lying fog from a nearby river
his shoulders hunched against the chill
of an early morning journey
to hunt doves-
the field echoed with the call of birds
that stepped amongst the scrub
and were startled into flight
by the blast of a shotgun
shattering the silence,
and finding its prey-
struggling in its death spiral,
plummeted like a stone
towards the hard ground-
yet when the boy picked it up
the bird weighed little more than
the air it had fallen from-
he had eagerly waited till his father
shot it from the sky
and now it lay warm in his hands-
he couldn't look away
feeling the heartbeat
flutter faintly-
fascination of the dove's death
gave the boy a sense of power
to spare a life, or to take it-
he twisted its neck with a soft pop,
the heart spasmed as
air was forced from its lungs,
then it rested, limp and lifeless
while he knelt upon the grass
quivering from his very first taste.














Comments
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--
玉
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!Bad Bunnies!
The contrasts you mention from the poem are what i hoped to achieve for the reader. It's wonderful to see you and read your (always) appreciative & supportive comments!
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玉
This poem managed to surprise me (which is a great thing!
(I apologize for the long-winded comment--but this piece really affected me
--
玉: 我的天使 ♥
Always look on the bright side... there's more light there and it's easier to find stuff.
i'm terribly grateful for your indepth & most insightful comments about this piece!
it's left me quite speechless... thank you!
--
玉
I think the main point behind the piece is letting us wonder if it was fright or excitement. Whether or not this was on purpose, I find it brilliant!
You're imagery is fantastic as well!
--
[link] Counting Clouds - an exciting book!
[link] My tutorials!
If you LOVE it then suggest it to a GM - now!
I'm speechless
--
玉
Why are you speechless?
--
[link] Counting Clouds - an exciting book!
[link] My tutorials!
If you LOVE it then suggest it to a GM - now!
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