I descend into a river
of no reflection-
of my dementia
into the coiled flesh
of your arms
around my exhaustion
how I long to rest,
even as the creature
within craves- still
I yearn for oblivion-
what do I know of what I want
when it brings a torrent
through a barren land-
it inundates the walls
that surround and hold me
imprisoned without bars-
the sheen of it, a
residue of lust un-sated,
waiting and listening for
the lilt of a melodic cry,
a prolonged moan,
a note that resonates-
piercing my own heart
while my eyes circle upwards
to where the heavy skies
glower in the deepening red
of a fitful night
which doesn't threaten,
but promises-
lover, why this banquet?














Devious Comments
Comments
...yet never seems to arrive
After our journey together through both the Haiku Spring Bash and Tanka Awareness Month, it amazes me that you are consistently able to produce such a steady and beautiful stream of words. You are profound as always. As you know the last few weeks have been hectic for me and I am just now able to properly comment on your work I may be a little rusty.
For me, the most intriguing aspect of this poem lies not within the sensuality itself, but rather the structure of the stanzas. While this is your original work, the brevity of the lines, combined with the breaks, gives this piece the same kind of broken continuity as a cut (or found) poem. I am perhaps relating it that way because I have been studying the line breaks that occur within that style. The clearest example of this structure lies within the fourth (and my favorite) stanza.
I yearn for oblivion-
what do I know of what I want
when it brings a torrent
While the yearning certainly flows into the rhetorical question of wondering what you want, the break in the stanza makes it seem as if you go from an internal unconsciousness to an external awareness of a torrential downpour. I could be way off, but that same jump between actions (the yearning to the questioning) while maintaining an idea within a stanza is the same method used in the concept of found poetry. Nicely done!
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Visit my portfolio on [link]
i'll be catching up on commenting on all of your wonderful latest submissions soon, too.
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Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
i've had so much going on as you know, but so have you!-- and yet your appreciation of my efforts never disappoint, even if you were to be a hard task-master to this one, your grateful student.
Thank you so much, YG
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Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
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Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
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ヒスイ:私の天使 ♥
Always look on the bright side... there's more light there and it's easier to find stuff.
thank you!
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Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
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