'it comes again'...
...yet never seems to arrive

Jade,

After our journey together through both the Haiku Spring Bash and Tanka Awareness Month, it amazes me that you are consistently able to produce such a steady and beautiful stream of words. You are profound as always. As you know the last few weeks have been hectic for me and I am just now able to properly comment on your work…I may be a little rusty.

For me, the most intriguing aspect of this poem lies not within the sensuality itself, but rather the structure of the stanzas. While this is your original work, the brevity of the lines, combined with the breaks, gives this piece the same kind of broken continuity as a “cut” (or found) poem. I am perhaps relating it that way because I have been studying the line breaks that occur within that style. The clearest example of this structure lies within the fourth (and my favorite) stanza.

I yearn for oblivion-
what do I know of what I want
when it brings a torrent

While the “yearning” certainly flows into the rhetorical question of wondering what you want, the break in the stanza makes it seem as if you go from an internal unconsciousness to an external awareness of a torrential downpour. I could be way off, but that same “jump” between actions (the yearning to the questioning) while maintaining an idea within a stanza is the same method used in the concept of found poetry. Nicely done!

hope you are ok

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Visit my portfolio on [link]

oh yes Barka, i'm doing okay... a little dazed right now but thank you, and i hope all has been well with you!

i'll be catching up on commenting on all of your wonderful latest submissions soon, too.

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玉

Laurence, your critique of this piece that was such a welcome arrival for me, and in this way as well, is such a generous one for me. And then we were able to discuss it at length, and that was a wonderful conversation, my dear friend.

i've had so much going on as you know, but so have you!-- and yet your appreciation of my efforts never disappoint, even if you were to be a hard task-master to this one, your grateful student.

Thank you so much, YG

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玉

thank you so much

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玉

Thank you SG! I doubt i would ever be too hard though

Your words sweep me, breathless and flushed, into your world of passion and longing. The intensity of the poem flows over me, hot and insistent. I am immersed in the red glow of this place, and all rational thought is stripped from me...

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玉: 我的天使 ♥
Always look on the bright side... there's more light there and it's easier to find stuff.

ohhh...

thank you!

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玉