Electric (scrub)
he turns
into
a lightning rod
upon
my close proximity
pulling in
static
from the warm air
that clouds in
around us-
our fingertips
send licks of light
shooting
through us,
burning-
the smell;
all the hair
on his body
shrivels
into oblivion-
shocking!
and so
appropriate;
how electric
his conduct
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Author's Comments
My submission in response to the latest topic for =Wordspill -- electricity.
The "spill" is below, and the finished "scrub" version is above as the polished piece. I hope you enjoy! Electric (spill) he turns into a lightning rod when I come near drawing in the heavens that hide us in mist sends lightning flying through us, the stench of hair burning shocking -- how electric his conduct is 12/23/08: punctuation edits |
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Comments
I love the word conduct and how you used it.
--
Life is an adventure in forgiveness.
Second stanza: a period after "us"
Fourth stanza: semicolon after "smell", and period after oblivion.
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"God is in His Heaven- All's right with the World."
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The Poetry.. That comes from the squaring off between.. And the circling is worth it.. Finding beauty in the dissonance.. -Tool
*VampireWriters *PoetryPlease *Writers-Workshop ~pakdeviants *ScribeSanctuary
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THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (This door is kept locked because of the draught - please use side door.)
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Lately, I continue to struggle through health issues, to regain strength so I can catch up with replies to comments, to comment on deviations, to thank those who have fav'd my works, and to fave works of others who's efforts I admire by those I know & discover here on dA. Your patience, friendship, and understanding is so very appreciated. I pray this comment/reply finds you exceptionally well, and that your holidays are everything wonderful!
--
玉
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lately, I continue to struggle through health issues, to regain strength so I can catch up with replies to comments, to comment on deviations, to thank those who have fav'd my works, and to fave works of others who's efforts I admire by those I know & discover here on dA. Your patience, friendship, and understanding is so very appreciated. I pray this comment/reply finds you exceptionally well, and that your holidays are everything wonderful!
--
玉
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玉
Thank you, love!
--
玉
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