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making our way, unhurried
past tumble-down walls leaning
against cork oak trees, and
covered with lampshade poppies,
we stroll from the open-air market
with its baskets of persimmons-

the Moorish sun of late afternoon
burns us both brown, obscuring
the winter of my scars-
our half-nude bodies celebrate
while each toe excavates
treasures from a sandy beach

leaving a path that fades
from the lapping of waves
that lie across our footsteps
in languid foreplay-
distant harbor lights offer
shimmering pearl necklaces

and the promise, as evening falls
to indulge in the warmth
of a shared glass of Madeira,
of random wine-stained kisses,
and the religion of a
star-filled Portuguese night
.
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:iconskycladarts:
skycladarts Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2015  Professional General Artist
very much reminiscent of this beautiful country! :hug:
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2015
Thank you, I thought you might feel that way. :hug:
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:iconskycladarts:
skycladarts Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2015  Professional General Artist
I have some photos in the cork trees that I'll be posting soon! :D
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 2, 2015
I'm looking forward to seeing them! :excited:
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:iconskycladarts:
skycladarts Featured By Owner May 4, 2015  Professional General Artist
Nude cork one by skycladarts  here's the first one! :D
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 5, 2015
I faved it and left a comment for you! :love:
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:iconskycladarts:
skycladarts Featured By Owner May 5, 2015  Professional General Artist
thank you my dear friend :hug:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner May 13, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Splendid work on the imagery..
And it has a delightful carefree feeling to it.

I like this a lot.
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 14, 2011
:hug: why thank you, Fuzzy. <3
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:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner May 14, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
You're more than welcome. :hug:
Reply
:icondamagedhomewrecker:
DamagedHomewrecker Featured By Owner May 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
i really love the imagery; the rhythm is like a slow waterfall. i love it.
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 7, 2011
Thank you! I'm so very glad. <3
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:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner May 5, 2011   Writer
I forgot to mention...I love how the language in this piece flows, as well. Beautifully done.
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 6, 2011
I thank you for coming to read and give me your thoughts - I'm very glad that you find it so.
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:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner May 5, 2011   Writer
:wow: Lovely imagery in this!
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 6, 2011
:hug: Thank you, you don't know how much that means to me.
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:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner May 6, 2011   Writer
My pleasure. :hug:
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:iconsheetofdarkness:
Sheetofdarkness Featured By Owner May 5, 2011
Wonderful scenery and the words flow magically through out the poem.
-no you not hallucinating. I left a comment. (though you are seeing double.)
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 6, 2011
That's so kind of you to let me know how my poem has touched you! <3
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:iconsheetofdarkness:
Sheetofdarkness Featured By Owner May 7, 2011
Your welcome. I know it will touch the hearts of many others. Have u ever published ur work?
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 9, 2011
Since you ask, yes I have as a matter of fact. If you check my journal you'll see that I've just released my third book, "Stolen Light". <3
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:iconsheetofdarkness:
Sheetofdarkness Featured By Owner May 9, 2011
Released? Like published? Cool. Wats it about?
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 11, 2011
These are publications of my poetry. :)

My just-released book "Stolen Light" can be found here: [link]

My book "Shooting Star" (2010) can be found here: [link]

Feel free to take a look. <3
Reply
:iconmahi-fish:
Mahi-Fish Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2009
You've got some great sound chains here that help it to move along wonderfully.

'unhurried
past tumble-down'

The Ts and Ds in that phrase are excellent. It serves to kind of break up the lines into segments, because the Ts and Ds are both stops. It keeps you from rushing through that part too quickly.

Same with the O sounds in this part:

'cork oak trees, and
covered with lampshade poppies,
we stroll from the open-air market
with its baskets of persimmons-'

They have a tendancy to be a little drawn out because they are rounded vowels. It's hard to race through them.



The alliteration of the Bs in the second stanza are done to just the right amount. It doesn't feel forced or even intentional. I especially love the contrast between the colors in the second brown is seen as such a healthy color, and the white scars are kind of an unhealthy image. The white of course is implicit, through the season winter, which is a stark contrast to the scene. The word and phrase sticks out, much like the raised scars referenced. That this wonderful scene can cover up scars that have been there for ages (and perhaps run deeper than the skin) is a nice image. The first two lines of the second stanza contain almost all back vowels (different Os and Us, and to a lesser extent soft As). Those sounds tend to be lower pitch, and have a way of softening the whole thing. Interestinginly, the only high vowel is the one in winter - which doesn't belong to the scene. You obviously did all of that intuitiviely, but it's well done, and a remarkable use of sounds.
(Well, technically 'late' has a diphthong high vowel, but because it is a diphthong, it kind of gets pulled back with the back vowels.)


Sorry, I'm going all linguist again. It's just how I know to express what I see.



The image at the end of the second stanza is a good one. You can really feel all of the textures. I like that the beach isn't pristine sand. It's got coral and sea shells and other things that are interesting to the touch mixed in.


The third stanza uses a different vowel chain. It's all centralized vowels, As mostly. It does go front a few times, but it doesn't distract for me at all.

I like the near rhyme at the ends of the first two lines - both with the ei dipthong: waves - fades, then there is sound correspondence in lapping and path too. Those two lines match very well.

What I liked most about it is that the entire thing is sensual from the first line to the last without even an oblique sexual reference. Obviously the ending lets the imagination run wild. I don't see how the scene couldn't lead to something more intimate, but it doesn't have to to be perfect. I like how everything that comes after the kisses is left up to the reader. Don't take this strangely, but it's the kind of poem that's almost arousing, but without the reader ever being aware as to exactly why.


Sorry if that's a bit - strange - as feedback.
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2009
correction: "... you know that what I had instinctually set out to accomplish..."
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:iconmahi-fish:
Mahi-Fish Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2009
:hug:
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:iconmahi-fish:
Mahi-Fish Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2009
*nods* I didn't even notice. :)
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2009
You know we've had all kinds of indepth conversations, so this wonderfully detailed feedback wound up falling to the wayside for a time.

I'm so technically thick when it comes to holding my own in useful repartee, but through your comments and our chats, you know that what I instinctually set out to accomplished in the pace & feel of this piece was achieved - thanks to your ability to spell it out.

It makes me ...lightheaded. :faint:

(happily so, you understand)
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:iconmahi-fish:
Mahi-Fish Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2009
Many of the greatest poets we now remember did what they did instinctively, and not with any type of formal education. I wonder if there was a 'blind bard school' for Homer? ;)

I don't think that training and skill are absolutely linked. It is entirely possible to have one, without the other. It may be nice to have both in some cases, but I know which half of the process I put more stock in.
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2009
Thank you ... I think.
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:iconmahi-fish:
Mahi-Fish Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2009
That was a compliment actually. I'd love to have the kind of intuition you have instead of having to think through each step and sound and line. You accomplish without the formal training what many poets spend years trying to learn.
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:iconmsklystron:
msklystron Featured By Owner May 5, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
This is lovely and luscious. I particularly liked the comparison of lapping waves to languid foreplay.:) It's as if the place is making love to you.
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 5, 2009
exactly, exactly! :hug:

...and thank you for coming to view my works - and for your much appreciated & lovely comments! :heart:
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:iconmsklystron:
msklystron Featured By Owner May 5, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
You're welcome and I meant to fave this one... I'm not a senior, but I have 'moments'.:D
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 6, 2009
oh so do we all - it's nothing to do with age! :hug:
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:iconmsklystron:
msklystron Featured By Owner May 7, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
I'm happy where I'm at. Age has its benefits too.:D
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:iconkallia-goldenwings:
kallia-goldenwings Featured By Owner May 1, 2009
oh my that is just so beautiful.
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner May 2, 2009
thank you so very much :hug:
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:iconkallia-goldenwings:
kallia-goldenwings Featured By Owner May 4, 2009
your welcome
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:iconskycladarts:
skycladarts Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2009  Professional General Artist
yet again you excel in reaching the sensual by your wonderful wordcraft :)
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2015
I found the Portuguese piece I mentioned a couple of days ago, and a comment from you a whole six years ago (!!) that I'm using to relinking you. I hope you'll enjoy reading it afresh after all this time. And reading it while your actually there! Only probably more inland than on the coast.
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2009
how lovely of you to say, thank you - I so enjoyed writing this piece! :hug:
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:iconskycladarts:
skycladarts Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2009  Professional General Artist
you're welcome! :)
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:iconsomnomollior:
somnomollior Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2009   Writer
Makes me long for sensual pleasures such as a rich, fruity beverage just like your poem.
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2009
thank you so much, that's wonderful to know - I hoped readers would feel welcomed and drift right along with me in my words :hug:
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:iconalwaysanunquietmind:
AlwaysAnUnquietMind Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2009
imagery is everything... i can see this as i close me yes and repeat your words...
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2009
I'm thrilled that you see and feel this piece the way I hoped readers would - I lived this poem so thoroughly - it was a sheer joy to write! Thank you, dear!:hug:
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:iconalwaysanunquietmind:
AlwaysAnUnquietMind Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2009
you're welcome...
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:iconb1gfan:
b1gfan Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2009  Student Writer
This is beautiful stuff; sensual and evocative Jade :) which is nothing new for your work :D The presence of every little things really invites me into the snene effectively.
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2009
Thank you, Dave, you honor me and that means alot! :)
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