Very nice Jade, this is by far one of the best Rensaku poems I have seen you put together!

In stanza one, you open the piece dramatically as the hum of insects becomes a "mantra." What I found most interesting about this stanza is that it causes the reader to rely on the sense of touch as the vibrations of wing beats ripple to the most sensitive areas of exposed skin. The use of touch rather than sight adds sensuality and hyper awareness here...very good

In the sixth stanza, we return again to the use of sight. however, it is not "our" sight, but the multi-lensed view of an insect. When I first read the line "eyes within eyes/survey multiple skies" I thought of the "zoom image" used greatly in haiku. this was an excellent stanza in that it combines the fluidity of tanka with some very intricate mechanics

I have to say Jade, you have grasped tanka style poetry very well. This piece is fluid in its emotion and sensuality. The stanzas flow seamlessly and there is no sense of disconnectedness. Conversely, there are many pieces here that stand well as their own tanka. Stanza 1 is my absolute favorite! I was captured the moment I began to read. Each stanza contains brevity, without sacrificing content. In my opinion, this is another tenet of good tanka. Well done!

meditative in it's quality ...it makes the most of its details for sure.

Wow i like so much!!!

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however far away i will always love you however
long i stay i will always love you whatever
words i say i will always love you i will always
love you

By The Cure

froggyyyyyyyyyy!

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_{Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.}

why thank you -- i hadn't considered it meditative, but i'm always glad when others see more into a piece than even i do

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_{Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.}

The whole is very pleasing and I like how you end it. My favourite parts are the insect ones: the very beginning and the part about the powdered wings (mothy). The atmosphere overall is sultry and captures the restlessness of a hot night.

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THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (This door is kept locked because of the draught - please use side door.)

When i first saw your generous reply after i posted the piece, finally got some rest, and then returned, i was so happy ...

YG!... you've got the essence, layers, and depth to this set perfectly, but my gosh...

your critique takes me all over the place with the delight of your discoveries!

i... i can't say anything more except... thank you!

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_{Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.}

Thank you so much for giving me your indepth response because it shows that you understand the piece in its layers and images perfectly.

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_{Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.}

I am glad to hear that I am on the right track with my comments!

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THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (This door is kept locked because of the draught - please use side door.)