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September 25, 2011
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I asked one-hundred men:
Is it something you should avoid -
ball sweat?

Is it the bane of your existence
that you contemplate
all you cannot fathom, like

how your body has hair growing where it
never used to be, and no longer
grows hair where you'd like it to be?

Does it make you more aggressive,
or is it red meat
that affects you in this way?

Is it the lack of oral sex,
or owning a dog that always detects
your ball sweat

but you don't want to switch to a cat
for fear of what
the neighbors might think.

Is this why road rage has gotten
worse over the years,
or exists at all?

Or is it a cry for help, chafing from
all that sweat, making pores larger
from masturbating while stuck in gridlock?

.
.
I've pondered these things lately.
I'm too sexy for my ________ ! (feel free to fill in the blank!)


:bulletblack:10/3/11: I finally figured out how to explain this poem which came to me totally out of the blue without a moment's hesitation: it's a satire; a social commentary! :D
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:iconoviedomedina:
oviedomedina Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014
Brilliant!

P.D:...SHOES!
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014
:aww: Wow!

:clap: And thank you for playing the game!
Reply
:iconoviedomedina:
oviedomedina Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014
:D
Reply
:icontallcanxd:
TallCanXD Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
How right you are...
XD
Reply
:iconcality:
cality Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
... mirror. ;)

:lmao: Great poem!
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2011
Thank you!

and great answer!
:iconweeeplz:
Reply
:iconretrozombie:
RetroZombie Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
I'm too sexy for my... Pubic Hair!! :eyes: :strip: :giggle:

I love this every bit as much as when you first recited it to me! :aww: I hope we can get this recorded soon! :eager:

:hug: :heart:
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
:hug: I hope so, too! And that's a perfect response to your blank, cause my first reaction was "what pubic hair?" :faint: it's so you
:iconpubichairplz:

Reply
:iconretrozombie:
RetroZombie Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
Exactly, right? :flirty:

That was the first thing that popped into my head... and it wouldn't pop back out again, so I just had to use it! :strip:

:glomp: :heart:
Reply
:iconexquisiteoath:
exquisiteoath Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Student General Artist
HAIKU
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
Yaaay, Crispen! :glomp:
Reply
:iconexquisiteoath:
exquisiteoath Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Student General Artist
Miss me?
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
:iconcreepglompplz: This much!
Reply
:iconexquisiteoath:
exquisiteoath Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2011  Student General Artist
I've sort of been AWOL all summer, and a little bit longer. But I'm working on rectifying that. I keep on finding that people are surprisingly (at least to me) happy to see me back. It's an awesome feeling, thank you.
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2011
It's nice when you find out that people are happy to see you.
Reply
:iconexquisiteoath:
exquisiteoath Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Student General Artist
It really is. :D
Reply
:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
...Tan!

Because I happen to actually have a tan for the first time in my life, and IT ACTUALLY LOOKS GOOD. :XD:

:lol: your poem made me laugh and think, like for many others here, I see. Nice!
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
:iconslipperyhugplz: lol I've been trying to give you a big hug but look what happens - it must be the cocobutter from your gorgeous tan, you sexy thang you!

And I'm so glad my quirky poem makes you laugh and think! :D
Reply
:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2011
:lol: you just need to try harder!

:heart:
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2011
With pleasure! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2011
:la:

:tighthug:
Reply
:icond-poof:
d-poof Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
I'm too sexy for my colon!

I like this a lot. Great word order and flow. One thing I might take out would be: "(don't tell me she doesn't)"
It seems to take away from the power of the phrase before it.
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
Point well received -- I made the edit, and thanks for giving me your thoughts and for filling in the blank! :D
Reply
:iconirvon:
irvon Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
I'm too sexy for my blank.

I think it's red meat, but when consumed in moderation, it's not that bad. I was ever only once in a car accident and that was a woman's fault (she failed to see me casually traversing a roundabout). ;p

Funny as hell, hell of a pondering!
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
:giggle: heehee thank you for enjoying & participating, Herman! :hug:

Btw, I'm glad you didn't get hurt. :phew:
Reply
:iconirvon:
irvon Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
Me too. :nod:
Reply
:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:lmao: Love it!

I'm too sexy for my socks (which is why I just took them off, gotta let the pedicured toes free). ;)
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
aw thank you so much, Lili! :tighthug: ...it was fun to bring some smiles with my quirkiness. :D

I love your answer - I immediately thought of rainbow-striped socks! :giggle:

Pretty feet, btw! :icontoesplz:
Reply
:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
They were purple and pink striped socks! :lol: Good guess. They were a Christmas present from *TazzyDee ages ago. Love them still. :D
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
:iconpsychicplz: ahh yes, I've been known for my visionary power.

Btw, thank you for fav'ing the poem!
Reply
:iconrawpoetry:
RawPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011   Photographer
I'm too sexy for my... couch? :confused:
Imagination running low at the moment. :XD:
This piece had a very interesting combination of making me giggle and making me think deep thoughts. :o
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
:clap: Well observed, Miss Carly!

Btw, you're not the only one who filled in the blank with furniture! :giggle:
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011   Writer
Well, since I don't eat meat and sweat too much to care, it must be one of the other reasons for my aggression. ;)

. . . inner demons. :P
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
unless...

"inner demons" was your answer. I could see that.
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011   Writer
yeah, that was my answer. upon further reflection, it doesn't seem that funny anymore. :)
Reply
:iconsomnomollior:
somnomollior Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011   Writer
leather upholstery
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
:iconaloneplz::iconfanplz:

wooo - a leather girl!
Reply
:iconsomnomollior:
somnomollior Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2011   Writer
Actually not - although we do have it in our new second-hand car, but the seats are really uncomfortable and give me back ache! Being vegetarian I should eschew leather rather than chew leather (ha ha)!
I am too sexy for my own good, maybe?
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2011
Ahhh - I love that answer too! :hug:
Reply
:iconsomnomollior:
somnomollior Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011   Writer
I'm so witty! :D
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2011
uh huh - and so much more! :hug:
Reply
:iconalmcdermid:
almcdermid Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
crotch butter (since we're talking ball sweat) :peace::XD:
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
:iconlaughingplz: whoa! Thanks for playing!
Reply
:iconalmcdermid:
almcdermid Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure? =P
Reply
:iconalmcdermid:
almcdermid Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Just gotta get over it, dudes. And to hell with what the neighbors think--I like my cats!
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011
heheh... you forgot to fill in the blank (see my comment) :iconnudgeplz:
Reply
:iconalmcdermid:
almcdermid Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
remedied =P
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